WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
