Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
