She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
