just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
