he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
