I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
