Plan B is the new Plan A
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
