Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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