It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
