Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
