gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
His nipple licking is glorious
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