and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
