I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
