my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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