Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
In America we eat man semen.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
