I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
