The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
