I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize