After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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