My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
