fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
