were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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