Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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