I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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