did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
