he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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