Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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