literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
