I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
