She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
