I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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