I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
