Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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