Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize