Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
