Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
