Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
