I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
