The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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