So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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