I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
