lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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