I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
