Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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