My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
