drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
