i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
