i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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