I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
