Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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