Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
