She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
