Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize