I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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