He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
