he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
