so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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