apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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