You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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