Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
PANTIES FOUND
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