I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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