I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
