I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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