walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize