Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
