I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
