Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Randomize
