I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
