he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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