I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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