4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
