well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
