Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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