nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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