the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
