Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
