im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
too bad you live with your parents still
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
