Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Every concussion has its silver lining
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
