I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
