i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
