we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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