I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
