You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
