your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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