Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
