Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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