If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
