His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
