Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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