tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This baby is an asshole
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
