Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
