yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
