I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
