I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
