it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
