come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
