I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
