Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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