Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
