so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
