at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
