Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
