Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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