just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
