I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
false alarm. still invincible.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
