I got her a Nickelback box set.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
