I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
