i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
