I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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