Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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