Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
