Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
